Just a final anti-Rangers rant and I'm done. (For now) Rangers supporters will have to realise that the European Final on Wednesday is important. You are ambassadors for your city, your country. Singing the Sash in Italy, France or Portugal is OK because nobody understands what you are singing about, and the locals will smile benignly. Not so in Manchester guys! Please remember this when you sing your vitriol on the streets. You are carrying Scotland's flag, and I'll be backing you all the way, but please do not let us down. I understand that 100,000 are travelling to Manchester with only a smallish percentage with tickets. Don't let us down. Please?

Nice to see Celtic winning today without needing refereeing decisions. (Unlike last week when they did!) Nice because it sets us up for a magical final day of the season. That sort of stuff I can live with.

Dundee United supporters are fed-up of Scottish referees always giving the big decisions to the Old Firm, according to celebrity fan Lorraine Kelly.

Speaking after Mike McCurry's disgraceful performance at Ibrox, Lorraine Kelly spoke on the BBC's football phone in, to back United's manager Craig Levein.

After losing 3-1 to Rangers, Levein criticised McCurry for 'bottling' out of a giving United a stonewall penalty, a clear goal and for not sending off several Rangers players.

"We get a perfectly good goal chalked off and a blatant penalty, with not even a decision to make, and it should've been a sending off," complained Lorraine on the BBC's 'Your Call' radio show.

"It just happens far too often. I am a Dundee United fan and we were robbed. I think Craig Levein got it right, the ref bottled it."

"This was a huge, huge game for Dundee United. Why should we be treated like second class citizens?"

According to the Television presenter, its time that something was done to improve the standard of refereeing in Scotland and that might mean inviting foreign referees into the SPL.

"I've gone from being scunnered and angry to being weary of it. We have to stop whinging and moaning about it and do something about our referees."

"Nobody is infallible, but it might be easier if we get referees from somewhere else."

(From the Dundee Utd Website) ...... and a PS from me.....

Did everyone else see Daniel Cousin head butt a DU player and get away with it? Did anyone else see Kirk Broadfoot punch a United player in the face without any action being taken? As the United manager said, "Mr McCurry should have phoned me to tell me Rangers were going to win today and my boys should just as well stay in the hoose"!

Last night I was speaking to dad, who is in a Sheltered Housing complex in Dumbarton. One of the good things is that he gets his lunch and tea made for him, and the householders all eat together. However, he was having a good moan yesterday about all the old people who slurp their food and spill it down their sweaters etc. He thought it was good to have places like this for those old folk. "Aye, dad", I said, "One day you'll be old yourself!" He'll be 83 in two weeks time.

Off to St Andrews, Irvine, this morning for my first ever Diocesan Council meeting. I don't know what I was expecting, these bodies have always been a mystery to me, but as meetings go, it was a fairly decent one. It was probably only me that provided the unnecessary blethers, (actually I was quite nervous in such august company), and the Provost very quietly kept us focussed, I think, on what matters, and what doesn't.

It was wonderful to hear that the Rector of St Andrew's Wishaw had surplus gilt! I had to check that it wasn't the unforgiven kind of guilt, but had something to do with metal! However, perhaps the most heated, and most interesting stuff involved finance. A decision to find £16k to buy HBOS shares was just nodded at, but there was great debate over the appeal from Gadgetvicar and his treasurer for funding to help them complete the building of a new hall. These guys are talking mega-money, with a £1.5m project on the go, having already raised £800k from their own congregation. An initial offer of £5k from the Diocese was doubled to £10k, but the whole episode left me with tons to think about on the drive home.

This is small potatoes for St Silas, and I'm sure there were expectations that the Diocese might be moved to shell out some serious money today, perhaps at least £100k. I'm thinking that when individuals are writing cheques to St Silas' for £20k, linked to Gift Aid, then a Diocesan commitment of less than half that seems insignificant. I'm thinking, too, that if I was still Rector of St Matthew's Possilpark, eg, I would be furious that this sort of money is going to those who already hath! Small parishes, who struggle, and some of those were given some relief, today, with a cut in their quota to the tune of a "massive" £1800 between four of them, look at really massive sums like £10k going to a rich parish, (well it's really massive for them, and despair at Diocesan priorities. I got back to Dumbarton with the conclusion in my brain that we should either have invested the BIG money or given nothing at all. The £10k award is a lukewarm, token response to St Silas, and I wonder how much they may feel resentment that the backing seems to be "token". Something that wasn't made clear today, and maybe it should have been, was how much St Silas give towards Diocesan Quota on an annual basis. I understand that constitutionally, this Quota could be legally withheld if they decide to take the huff!

On a lighter note, we were forcibly reminded that the Orange Order has begun the marching season! Roll on the 12th July! In the middle of the meeting we were regaled by the local flute band marching past, or was it round, the church building. A certain member of Gadget Vicar's congregation would have been delighted. We got some of the old favourites, with Gadget Vicar secretly humming along! (I'm joking!)

Which brings us to Glasgow Rangers! Half listening to their match today, which they had to win to produce a Championship winning season, I was not amazed that yet again they got all the favours that a referee could give them, by ignoring a blatant penalty and what would be a subsequent sending off of a Rangers' player, and disallowing a perfectly good Dundee Utd goal. Even the Radio Scotland commentators and "experts" agreed that the ref bottled it. Mr McCurry should never referee another Rangers match - ever. He obviously was feeling aggrieved that he'd missed the march in Irvine earlier. I've watched the TV re-runs, and these decisions were disgraceful, and blatantly biased. However, those of us who support the "wee" teams kind of get used to it!

And, before Celtic fans start complaining about these decisions, your lot get them too! I sometimes think that some referees go straight to Confession after refereeing some Celtic matches. It's the only way they could live with the decisions some of them make.

Aye. The future is Orange, and the future is still Green, and I despair for Scottish football, and for my city. I listened to the radio in the car, and I heard them singing all about King James and all his rebel band, and William's army guarding old Derry's Walls. Tomorrow I'll listen to the pro Real IRA stuff from the other crowd. Hand me my machine gun!

The RW is off to Wales today to visit her sister. I always send her off with mixed feelings. One is that I really look forward to "alone" time, the other one being that I miss her when she's away! The time before last I had an accident and wrote off my Honda Jazz, so she worries about me and my inability to look after myself! (World's worst Worrier - that's the RW for you!)

I'm looking forward to the wee bit of space, although it's going to be a busy weekend. Parish lunches, dogs and dad all have to be "seen to" and a little bit of AA tonight, the Diocesan Council tomorrow in Irvine, preparation for three services on Sunday. Suddenly my "alone" time doesn't seem to be awfully "alone"!

However, the sun is still splitting the skies, and a wee wander round the park with the canines seems to be an attractive start to the weekend. Now, see, I wouldn't have been saying that two weeks ago! These pills are kicking in, I think. Suddenly the world seems a better place to live in, and nothing seems to be so terrible that it cannot be overcome.

The big, big struggle just now is the smoking, or lack of it. My soul cries out constantly for a cigarette, and it's a craving I can't seem to budge. What a struggle. It's the hardest thing I've ever tried to do.

Had a lovely e-mail from America today, which made me smile, and touched lots of buttons! Not least in, for example, "the ABofC has no say in our (American Episcopal)Church! We might invite him to tea, but that's it!"

It reminded me of the visit I had in my first parish as Rector, when Runcie and Terry Waite came a-calling to see how we were ministering to the addicted and their families in a wee parish in a disreputable part of Glasgow. We didn't offer him tea, but instead gave Runcie a bottle of whisky as a token of his visit, and our hospitality. I smiled when one of our old ladies told him, rather loudly, "Remember son, you huv nae authority in Scotland"! She was right, of course!

I understand that +Robert Cantaur and Terry Waite finished off the bottle between them that night in their hotel. Well, it was the best of stuff. Our addiction team were on stand-by for a while, just in case we got a return visit!

I wondered why my Blog had been so busy today, until I came across this on my daily trawl through my favourite blogs! Thanks MP!

Father Kenny at RECTOR'S RAMBLINGS is down in the dumps. It's a priest thing. Every year, about this time in Britain, we have a series of bank holidays that coincide with the arrival of Spring (even in the Land of Ice that is called Scotland). Without fail, one Sunday, we walk into our churches to be confronted by a congregation consisting of three old ladies and a childless couple. Every year, although we should know it by now, the terrible truth dawns on us - people would rather be out, spending money, and enjoying themselves with their families, than sitting on wooden pews listening to us telling them how Jesus has ascended to his Father. It is one of the most desolate feelings a priest or minister experiences in the job.

The problem that Father Kenny has is that his blues can too easily turn into something more nasty. So please pop over to his blog and sympathetically tell our friend to "BLOODY, SNAP OUT OF IT, MAN!!!" ( No! That's a joke so don't you dare. Go and tell him that his congregation is a bunch of Philistines who don't appreciate genius when it is standing in front of them. That's what us priests need to hear - it's what we all need to hear. Unfortunately, although we are very good at building each other up on the Internet we are bloody awful at it in real life).

It's the RW's birthday today, and the Bank Holiday, a day off work for both of us, allowed "herself" to drag me off for an afternoon's drive to Helensburgh and the Gareloch. It allowed the RW to pig out on hot chocolate with a flake too, and chocolate muffins. And she wants to be taken out for Indian food tonight! See what happens when the Wii Fit Board tells you you have a Wii Fit Age of 48, when you're actually 10 years older? Does anyone else have delusions of youth and fitness from their Wii? - or is it just a Rectory thing?

As I tend to do, I was looking through the readings for next week, and some books and stuff, to try to give me a starter for ten in Sermon preparation. It usually takes about a week to distil! I came across the following which maybe has some pertinence to us all, and should speak to all of us, Auggie's and others alike..

The First Fruits of the Spirit

Do we have the first fruits of the Spirit? Can someone coming into our door to visit for the first time recognize these traits in us?

Love- ­ do we love each other, and do we love those who are different from us? Do we love and welcome visitors, no matter who they are? Do we try to make their acquaintance, so that we can love them? Do we put their comfort above our own?

Goodness- ­ Peter tells us (2 Peter 1:5) to support our faith with goodness, and goodness with knowledge. Our salvation is the result of God's goodness. Likewise, other persons should benefit as a result of our goodness. Our mission work should clearly show our faith in God's goodness.

Peace- ­ Is there peace between us, and peace within us? Can someone tell by being with us, that we have a peaceful soul, based upon God as the source of all that we have.?

Faithfulness- ­ Is our steadfastness to Christ's church based upon an enduring loyalty that is true to God, no matter how we feel about the pastor, the district, the conference, the women's group, the organist, or any other facet of our organization?

Gentleness- ­ Do we exhibit care and protection for all of God's creation? Are we gentle with the environment, with each other, and with ourselves?

Joy- ­ Do we look joyous to the outsider? Do we feel joy inside? True joy in being a child of God should be able to override all unhappiness and bitterness we feel, and should be reflected in our total involvement in our worship.

Kindness- ­ This action word can be directed outwardly or inwardly. Do we show compassion and generosity to others and ourselves?

Patience- ­ How many of us are willing to let others (and ourselves) come along at each one’s own pace? How many of us can forgive seven times seventy?

Self-Control- ­ This is one of the hardest, and may include all of the others. This requires an inner discipline only manageable with the grace of God's Spirit to sustain us in our trials. Do we constantly pray for help in this area, and constantly call on God to help us? If not, we should.

(From Jane Shepherd, Is The Spirit Here?)

A whole week for this to brew in my mind, with nobody to share it with, was just too much.

It cheers my heart to read the Provost's Blog, What's in Kelvin's Head, when he talks all about the wonderful services and giant increases in numbers. I so love St Mary's Cathedral, and I'm glad that things are going well there! I've just had a Sunday where both my "congregations" were down substantially in numbers. In fact the 11am saw the smallest congregation since I arrived here almost seven years ago.

Of course it's the holiday weekend, and lots of folk are away, and there's other stuff going on, but I have to articulate the despondency I often feel when it looks like a party that nobody came to!

I can look at the new faces and see that new folk are coming and staying, but not nearly in the numbers we need to survive. It's times like this that I feel it's time for someone new to come along and give this brilliant group of folk the kind of boost they so obviously need. This depressive probably isn't doing it too well just now!

We had the most wonderful wedding today at St Auggie's. One of those "awww" weddings that are just so beautiful because the couple are beautiful and so obviously very much in love. Gavin & Connie, thank you for letting me be part of it today, and there was no fightin' at the reception afterwards, either! A good scrap at the reception was becoming too regular, of late, and I knda missed it in a funny sort of way!

One of the esteemed guests was referee Mr Kenny Clark, a lawyer of this parish. Known by Partick Thistle Nil fans as Santa, because he gives the Old Firm everything, it was my one chance in life to tell a referee what I thought of him, and I knew I was being listened to! Quite surreal!

One of the joys of having such a bonnie church building is that I get to do lots of weddings! Some couples stay on as members, some don't. However, my wedding sermon story bank is getting totally overused to the extent that I'll soon be able to use a parrot at homily time! Anyone got a good story for a wedding homily? God, I need new material!

The old kilt will be out tomorrow, along with the rainclouds I'm told!

Big disappointment at the numbers who attended our joint celebration of The Ascension last night. But, hey! The coffee was good, and the sandwiches were delicious! Too many Rangers supporters staying in to watch the Uefa Cup semi-final. The FTP Brigade now have a worldwide audience to sing their vitriol to in the final in Manchester. Ambassadors for Scottish Football? Puleeeeese!!!!!

DENVER — Connection Metro Church, which used its foyer coffee bars to attract visitors to its eight satellite churches in the Denver area, has decided to abandon ministry altogether to focus on coffee.
"People liked the coffee a lot better than the ministry, according to congregational surveys, so we’re practicing what we preached and focusing on our strengths," says former teaching pastor and now chief marketing officer, Peter Brown.
Many in the congregation seem downright relieved.
"The sermons were okay, but the vanilla frappes were dynamite," says one woman who regularly attended the church for two years so she could enjoy the special brews. "I even brought my Jewish neighbors and they loved them."
The staff of Connection Metro Church began noticing last year that more money was coming in through the coffee bar than in the offering.
"People complimented us about the pastries and mochas but didn’t really mention the teaching," says Brown. "After feeling disappointed, we got pragmatic about it and realized God was telling us where to put our efforts."
The church renovated each of its locations into Connection Coffee Houses and removed most traces of its spiritual past. Now crowds are up and many former members are flourishing.
"Who knew I was so gifted at making foam?" says the former head usher, now the head barista, as he makes a heart-shaped design on a cappuccino.
The church’s small groups have been turned into neighborhood reading clubs, with some reading Christian titles and others following Oprah’s recommendations. The only visible remnants of the coffee house’s past are the offering bucket which serves as a tip jar, and the greeters stationed at the door to give a more welcoming feel than the nearby Starbucks.
Some former members were stunned to arrive at church Sunday morning to find the sanctuary transformed into a seating area with newspaper racks and coffee-themed gift items.
"I guess we’ll go back to the Methodist place," said one father who had brought his family. "But only after we try those delicious looking chocolate cream-filled croissants."
People in the surrounding neighborhoods say they are far more likely to stop by now. One man who came occasionally says he feels less guilty standing around the coffee counter now that there is no service taking place.
"Before, we had to sit through the service and pay our dues," he says. "Now we go right to the good stuff — the double espressos."
The staff also feels liberated now that the pressure of ministry is off.
"The best way to be relevant is to give people what they want," says Brown. "In our case, that’s coffee drinks."

One of my many favourite feasts! I just love the end of the Cycle of Redemption, as we proclaim that Jesus, in Himself, takes all creation into the very life of the Trinity. I'm not into literal space walks myself, and who in their right mind takes the Ascension as literal fact? We have a joint celebration at St Mungo's Alexandria, with Helensburgh people attending, to ensure we stay posh!

It's been a busy day, with printing, meetings to plan the BIG Veteran's Service in July, and even a wedding rehearsal thrown in.

Dad had an appointment at the Health Centre. When I go to collect him, he's either in bed sleeping or out. Today he was out! Not going into the Masonic Club to fish him out of the bar, so he's missed yet another appointment. I despair!

It just came to my notice today that Fr John Penman, once of this Diocese, and now Rector of Christchurch Falkirk, has been secretly blogging away for a while without telling anyone! (Thanks Mother Ruth for the info!) You can catch him on http://dougalthink.blogspot.com/

It's a good read!

Well, the evil deed was done this morning! I wasn't aware of how much hose could be put up the nose or where it could actually go! Do I have that much space in my head? (Answers may be edited) It seems he had a wee look down my throat, and my voicebox is just fine! I kind of knew this, anyway! The result? They're going to take me in to get a wee gromit fitted into my left ear! Sounds like fun!

Depression seems to be lifting. Yet again today I feel a bit brighter than I have of late. So, thank God for Pharmacology! Thank him too for all the love & support & kindness there is among my many friends, both online and in real time!

Here was me, thanking whatever for the sunshine, when thunder and hailstones start battering my windows! It made me remember my hospital appointment tomorrow. I'd been casually mentioning a deterioration in my hearing in my left ear to my GP, when, bam, I'm to go to the Vale tommorrow to get a camera up my nose to see what's lurking behind my left eardrum! Not a pleasant thought, but a superb talking point for everyone I'll be meeting over the next few days! Glory be! I'm still feeling positive! Just as well! I've got a brilliant wedding to conduct on Saturday. Really looking forward to it! Maybe I'll even hear the responses!

Maybe it is the sunny day, maybe it's because the increase in the anti-depressants is beginning to kick in, but this morning, thank God, I'm feeling much better. I've had a couple of false dawns already, so I'm not counting chickens, but it's so good to feel able and motivated to actually do something without forcing myself to! Still a bit tired, but I'll get there I'm sure! There is a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. For a whole two hours I've actually felt good about myself!

Below is a helpful wee diagram that has helped me understand what's been happening. Maybe it will help others understand a bit more. I think that clicking on the diagram, and then clicking again on the diagram, with a larger size, makes things a bit clearer!

Sometimes it takes the depths of human experience to make us realise how loved and supported we are. During this bout of depression, when my mood can oscillate from being almost suicidal to the heights of just feeling that I am a total fraud and one day somebody is going to find me out, has come the most wonderful messages of love, support, tenderness and understanding from many many people, some of whom don't have to care or give a monkey's what I'm up to or how I'm feeling! These messages, some here on my blog, some through personal emails, some in personal touches and hugs and words, are what have kept me sane and kept me going over the past few weeks.

The therapeutic value of writing things here has been of value too. Nobody has told me to give myself a shake, although I need to! Nobody has told me to count my blessings, although I need to! Mobody has told me how much of a lucky beggar I am to have such a beautiful and loving wife, although I have one! Judgement has been in short supply, and instead the most affirming and positive things have been communicated to me in so many ways.

Thank you, my friends for that. You are keeping me going until I, too, reach my Easter morning.

The Nils had three scored against us today. The only bright part of the afternoon was that this result plunged our bitter rivals Clyde into a relegation play-off. See, every cloud has a silver lining!

Forcing myself to go to see Partick Thistle Nil today, the last game of our season. We're up against a side who really need the points, whereas we don't! With Mallorca on their minds, will the Nils triumph? No! We don't have a prayer!

With much gratitude to Madpriest for this wee gem. It even made me break into a huge grin! -

From JACKPOT UK:

Getting young people to mass is probably the hardest thing the church has to do. In an effort to do just that, one Italian priest has decided to serve mass in a slot machine arcade.

"The idea came to me as the youth are estranged from the church. The young people choose another way of life, other places for meetings and communication. This can be discos or gambling halls where they are without their parents and feel themselves comfortable," said Don Duilio Testa from Trasacco.

Remarkably, it seemed to work. Teenagers stopped playing the games in the arcade and clambered to help the priest prepare for mass – some even volunteered to do some readings. "The holy mass was held in unusual silence and was heard with great attention," the priest said.

After chaining myself to my desk, and forcing myself to actually get things done, I managed to produce this month's effort by 10 o'clock last night. The feeling of actually accomplishing anything this week made me feel a little better. Reading it over this morning, the doom and gloom descended, and I was ready to start again! "No!", my soul cried... so the latest magazine is here. I've produced worse!

It's magazine week! That means the Parish Mag needs to be written, edited, printed, and sorted. Those of you who have seen the publication will know that it takes up a bit of time and needs a fair amount of dedication to get it right. Sometimes I wonder why I do it, because it becomes apparent through the month that lots of folk have never even bothered to read it! It's a bit like my sermons... I'm convinced that few people actually listen, and for those who do, it's like water off a duck's back. There's a few things going on in the parish just now which make me wonder if anyone has actually heard anything I've said over the past 6 years and more.

Back to the magazine, though, and the thought of writing anything in the "From Kenny" slot actually fills me with fear today. Firstly I don't have anything great to say, and what I do write, eventually, will probably reflect my negative frame of mind rather than being something positive and uplifting. I have the same fear about sermons too, at the moment.

Life is full of fear and dread just now, and those who have been in the pit of depression will know how that actually feels. Depressive thinking turns into feelings of hopelessness and anxiety, and that is a self perpetuating circle which is really hard to break out of.

So, I'll pray today, to a God whose very existence is doubted during these times, and hope that some sort of inspiration will come!

Here I am in the morning. How do I always seem to feel worse in the morning? And no shift in mood, not helped by the fact that the RW was the recipient of much of my frustration and anger about the depression thingy last night.

It's motivation sometimes in the mornings that's most difficult... motivating myself to get up, get washed, shaved and all the other things that normal people do with a laugh, a song, and an anticipation for all the day holds for them. I look on the day ahead with fear, and panic, and start inventing reasons why I don't need to do the things I need to do.

Wednesday is the day of Holy Communion in St Aug's, and a day that I normally look forward to. There are sometimes as many as 15 folk turn up for this wee oasis in the middle of their week, and I thank God today for our Liturgy. The structure and the words are always there, whatever and however I'm feeling. It doesn't require me to be positive, cheery or even inventive! It doesn't depend on how I am, mentally, spiritually, or physically. It's just there, and it still touches and blesses the people, in spite of the celebrant or his state of health!

There are other issues that need dealt with today, and I'm not looking forward to any of them. Bring me my duvet cover, Jeeves, and don't spare the horses!

The dreaded cloud still hangs over me, and a doctor's appointment today resulted in the anti-depressants being upped again. Dreadful feelings of worthlessness, inability to cope with the simplest things, and feelings of failure loom heavily over me. The rational "me" tells me none of this is true, but the depressed "me" tells me that one day soon, everyone will find me out, and I'll be seen as the failure that I obviously am. I wasted so many of my years to alcoholism, and now that particular monkey sits on my shoulder but is controlled at the moment, the little voice in my ear tells me that a drink will take away these feelings. I know it's not true, so worry not, my friends. Today I will not drink!

Doc quite concerned about my outlook and my feelings today, and I have to go back in two weeks time to get "monitored". I've had one or two better days of late, but today, with a few problems rearing up their ugly heads, hasn't helped much, but left me feeling quite powerless and insignificant.

I don't expect many to understand, because I don't really understand myself! Just say a wee prayer for me, (and poor Linda too - the RW gets a lot of grief when I'm like this)!

An interesting article in The Herald today! Now that they have all discovered the internet, the abuse continues on line!