It was agreed fairly early on that the RW's bug was much more virulent than mine - actually it was - and so, I've been head pooh-bah, in charge of everything for three days now. Food shopping is a very rusty skill of mine, obviously, and three times now I've got to a checkout to be reprimanded by a wee girl who says things like - "You know you get one free if you buy this?" and I'm promptly sent back down the aisles to collect my freebie. This is usually past a waiting queue who could obviously see me far enough. I've been thinking of buying two of everything in case it happens again.

The other reprimand goes, "That's on offer, if you buy two, (or three or whatever), it works out at less than the cost of two. Try declining these offers! I have argued that I don't really want two, or three for that matter, but declining only seems to make the assistant call for more assistance, and I can feel the glares burning into the back of my head from those behind me. Ok Ok! I'll take two! The dog can have one!

Then comes the crunch... "Do you have a Dividend Card/Loyalty Card/Lonely Hearts Club Band Card?" Eh! No, I don't! Then comes the telling off for not having one of these super duper things which everyone else seems to be clutching.

Ach I'm going to phone the fast food joints from here on in, and just get them to deliver. The Pizza man never asks for my loyalty card, and certainly doesn't do free offers - even at Christmas!