Rector's Ramblings

In the midst of all this week, two things passed me by!

1) I was 29 years ordained on the 24th!

2) I didn't feel up to telling you all that I moved my father into Church Court, a sheltered Housing scheme next to St Auggie's. (With much help, I can assure you) All went well and he seems comfortable and happy! He lost his hearing aid during the move, so just shuts off from conversations or instructions he doesn't fancy! Dads eh?

As long as he can find the Off License, the Post Office, the bowling club and the masonic bar then he'll be a happy bunny!

It's so good to have him beside us!

Evil Philippinos caught wearing sandals in church - Catholicism crumbles and world ends

From THE SUN STAR (Philippines):

The Archdiocese of Davao, in The Philippines, has reminded the Catholic faithful to dress accordingly when going to church. The decision to implement a dress code on churchgoers, according to vicar-general Monsignor Rey Monsanto, allegedly stemmed from complaints from the Catholic clergy about Filipino churchgoers' casual attire for Sunday worship. According to some priests, the dress code especially applies to women churchgoers who they said wear "inappropriate dress" ranging from nearly bare midriffs to pants supposedly exposing their underwear.

According to the proposed dress code by the Catholic Church, women are prohibited from wearing dresses or clothes showing an inordinate amount of skin, such as spaghetti straps. Capalla, however, said this does not only apply to women but men as well because they should be wearing proper pants and shirts or polos. He said he once noticed a man receiving the Holy Communion in shorts and sandals during the Holy Mass at San Pedro Cathedral.

The dress code also prohibits churchgoers, male or female, from wearing shorts, slippers and other clothes usually worn at home.

Boy, you should see the St Augustine's lot on a Sunday!

Thanks! For all your prayers and kind thoughts. I was stupid inasmuch as I braked hard when I went into a skid. That's a "no-no" I'm told.

Had some good days and terrible days, but the doc has given me some valium as a wee crutch! It helps!

Overwhelmed with all the love and support from Blogland!

It's a terrible thing! I keep going and over my accident and think what I could have done better. I'm weepy, angry, sad, and feel stupid cos I'm experiencing lots of emotions which i can't handle. So Blogland, spare a prayer!

Wonderful experience in Perth Yesterday at a Cursillo Team meeting.

However, on the way home I had a little accident which saw my car career off the road and end up upside down in a field.

Grateful to be alive today!

From THE BBC:

A teenager is due in the High Court to accuse her school of discriminating against Christians by banning the wearing of "purity rings". Lydia Playfoot, 16, was told by Millais School in Horsham, West Sussex, to remove her ring or face expulsion. She alleges discrimination because the school allows Sikh and Muslim pupils to wear bracelets and headscarves.

The school denies breaching human rights law, saying the ring is not an essential part of the Christian faith. It argues that a Christian pupil would be allowed to wear a crucifix.

Not very sure what a purity ring is, but I think it's a wonderful idea! I know of many in the Church who would gladly wear one if they knew about it!

It had to happen, I guess, having a puppy, a kitten and a dog! My tinkling conversation is often punctuated with, "Peanut, don't kill the cat!". Today however, returning home to overturned tables, lamps on the floor, a total state of disarray, and six innocent eyes, made me question the wisdom of having three pets at once. However, we love them just the same!

Dropped the RW at the airport tonight, on her way to see the Sister! (affectionally known as oor Mary) Coming back over the Erskine Bridge, the most wonderful sight of Dumbarton and Dumbarton Rock. Wished I could have stopped and taken a photo of our beautiful river and the Bonnie Town that so few visit these days!

Just received this from the RW. Think she's trying to underline something?

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.

Alas, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked
the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're
finally together."

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,
"Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"

The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."

Seems, Ainsley has problems with packaging technologists! The RW is one of these and would be horrified to learn that this packaging design has since been withdrawn for some reason!

The Wedding of the Year took place on the 1st June, but now the Parish Magazine has its own special "Hello" type reporting, exclusive of course, on the Big Day! Our intrepid reporter writes:

OUR GREAT BIG CELTIC WEDDING

Even the weather couldn’t get organised for Ghislaine’s big day on the 1st. There was warm sunshine, torrential rain, thunder, lightning and hailstones as big as gobstoppers. Reports of plagues of locusts and frogs are slightly exaggerated! Since access to the front door of the Church - magnificently festooned with the Jenkinsons’ floral baskets- is through closes from the car parks all under several inches of water, fake tans were running wild and Jimmy Choo sandals were rapidly decomposing. The Braveheart theme welcomed the bride and glorious confusion was the order of the day! But that was the way Ghislaine planned it! Not for her the pomposity of specially selected stuffed shirts, exclusive fashions and hired suits all sitting in orderly rows singing from the same antiquated hymn books. She invited everyone to her wedding and had no idea how many would arrive.

Indeed, the fate of her Stirling relatives was in serious doubt due to a hiccough with the coach ordering which meant that the bride spent her pre nuptial morning with the Yellow Pages and on the ’phone instead of at the beautician! For the fashion conscious it was ’anything goes’. There was a solitary hat (Fran’s) , umpteen anoraks, a plethora of sweatshirts, strappy WAG style frocks, substantial raincoats and enough kilts to have inspired the new Shrek tartan which appeared two weeks later. Ghislaine was in a beautiful dramatic tartan and white gown with no baseball boots. Her hair was enhanced with extensions and her outfit was designed for maximum arm movement to allow her to enjoy the service and lead the congregation in a rousing final Amen Chorus. Ricky was in the kilt teamed with a Jacobite shirt and appeared to be the most composed person in the Church. The floral arrangements were of thistles and broom in keeping with the whole Celtic theme.

The vows were exchanged with so much love, clarity and confidence - no muttering from behind a bouquet. The music was provided by a Praise Band who struggled to keep up with the words on the screen being operated from the laptop! Nobody minded and a kind of euphoric chaos broke out when Kenny stopped speaking. We could then enjoy the melodious tones of mobiles (one of which was the bride‘s), digital cameras and milling weans. The bouquet was thrown, caught by Margaret Hardie and quickly passed on to a grateful spinster of the parish!

Over at the Masonic the celebrations continued with no speechifying, no formal photography and a clootie dumpling for a wedding cake. All was spontaneous with Ghislaine infiltrating the company to ensure that everyone was having as great a time as she was. ‘I’m dying tae get this rug aff ma heid’ , she exclaimed as the dancing grew faster and more furious.

Aye, it was a memorable day for St. Augs. Thank you, Ghislaine and Ricky, for showing us how welcoming, versatile and full of love a Church can be.

This last pic is of Ghislaine teaching folk the African Alleluia which she wanted instead of the Wedding March! Much more appropriate!

Well! I've finally gone and done it - signed up with BT for broadband. Oh! How excited I was as the package came through the post! One hub, one phone - a new internet phone number with free calls and cheap international calls, wow! Hold me back! Immediately I set about installing the kit, and hey presto, within 3 hours I was up and running, with hair torn out, the swear box brimming to the full, and the ariel on the hub broken - well it kind of fell off the desk as I tried to read the next set of instructions.

After 3 long hours, we praise Thee O God! I have got there and alleluia is my song... Which is a good point to give this Praise Band we had on Sunday the publicity they feed off! Sorry, guys, but here's the picture at last!

Maggie Wallace, in an interesting shade of yellow, romps over the starting line at the Teddy Bear's Sack Race. Unfortunately three others romped over the finishing line before her!

You know, one of these days when lots is happening?

I have a meeting at 10.30 today with the church architect. How do I know it will be 10.30? Cos we all have it written in our diaries and we'll all turn up at the right place at the right time! Yesterday a plumber was coming to sort the ladies' loo in the church hall at 9am. He arrived at 2.15. So, thank God for good, solid architects. That's what I say!

We are meeting with another breed too! Housing Officers and development people from the local Housing Association who would like to build flats above our proposed new hall. Should be a heartwarming encounter!

Then, today, the Church in Society Board will meet in Edinburgh to consider giving us some dosh towards the appointment of a full-time drug worker. We need the £7k we have asked for, but little chance!

Today, too, the Council are staging a public consultation with workshops even, in St Aug's, on proposals for a new and wonderful town centre! Such fun, piling b* ups with more ba* ups. What a laugh we had when they introduced their new parking plan and closed off the High Street to traffic. How we giggled as W H Smith closed and another Pound Shop rolled in! We can now buy millions of birthday cards and shop at the best charity outlets in the West of Scotland, and more pubs in the High Street than there are wrinkles in Tony Blair's soon-to-be-gone face. Now another disaster for the town centre looms! But, hey, we're having a consultation, so it should be better this time!

finally, today's the day I get my BT Internet stuff delivered, so look out for a new e-mail address soon!

All these bears were in attendance yesterday! Someone nameless even brought their bear's birth certificate. Now how posh is that?

And, so M'Lud, as I was waliking in Balloch Park, identifying myself clearly as being a priest, and er holding this teddy bear...It was not, as your officer has implied, a call for little children to come up to me"

I can just imagine the Headline, "Priest with teddy bear looks Suspicious in Balloch Park." or "Father "Ted" in Balloch Park" or "Priest imprisoned for luring children". It wasn't until I had laid my teddy on the rug that I realised I'd been walking alone with a teddy in my arms for the last ten minutes! Eeek!

A good afternoon which reminds me why I love this place so much! And the weather wasn't bad either!

One little boy noticed that my puppy, Peanut, was defacating in the bushes. "Look", he says, "She done a big jobby". "No", answered oor Janette, in best Kelvinside tones, "She did a big jobby - see children, what has education come to?" Aye! Never a dull moment in St Aug's!

Of course the RW and I won the three-legged race with style. The fact we'd been up for most of the last week practicing is neither here nor there!

Well, the first part of today went well! The Praise Band were just wonderful! Unobtrusive, in tune with the Liturgy, so to speak, and even the oldies were rocking in the aisles! Best I've heard yet from a modern band playing in church for an actual service. They even used Hol, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty", and "How Great Thou Art" in amongst the more modern stuff. Made it all sound great too! Encore!

Now we have to deal with a Teddy Bear's picnic, and the dark clouds are rolling in! Dogs are eagerly anticipating the three leg race we're planning. Just tie one up, and they're both fit to go!

St Augustine's Friends have organised a teddy bears' picnic in Balloch Park this afternoon, but temperatures are low and rain threatens! Will the TBs have their picnic at all? Watch this space!

One thing going ahead for sure is the Praise Band Eucharist, and the band are in church as I write, preparing to blast the Dumbarton folk back on to the ftreet with their level of sound! Visitors due from Canada today! I wonder what sort of impression they are going to get of the Scottish Episcopal Church? Will I tell them this doesn't happen every week in every parish? Or do I let them believe that Dumbarton people really DO rock!

Aye! We're into the wedding season again, and St Aug's is picked by many a bonnie bride as the place to "do the business"! I even have two on the same day in September, one in the Barony in Glasgow. See these folk who want Glasgow? See numpties? St Augustine's is surely one of the most beautiful buildings in the West of Scotland! Anyway, parking in Glasgow's west-end is attrocious!

New Motion To Condemn Use
of Cluster Bomb in Melbourne Synod

WHAT!!!! The Australians are bombing church meetings, now?
These crazy bishops will stop at nothing to get their own way.
MadPriest, who alerts us to this, says:
Blowing up clergy - There ought to be a law against it!

Well..... the problem was that the puppy, Peanut, had managed to extract the paper part of my Driving License from my wallet, (actually I think it was the kitten, but the RW will have nothing said against her darling cat), and chew it to bits. Clever really, cos I've had a couple of speeding charges on there since 2002 and I want them wiped! I loved the sanctimonious feeling when I used to say, "Well, my License is clean"

However, on to DVLA to say I need a new "paper bit". Nope! They don't just do the paper bit, but I need a new plastic card too! No I don't! Especially as they are going to use the old photo! But no, it seems this is not possible. "That will be £22, Sir!"

Ending the conversation, the Welsh "git" ends with, "Perhaps, Mr Macaulay, you should change the brand of the dog food you use. Obviously the puppy is after something a little tastier." B**!

Bureaucracy: In earth as it is in heaven

A Romanian man whose name was changed by his adopted parents is trying to change it back so God will recognise him on Judgement Day. Scarlat Lila, 78, from Voloseni, said: "I want my original name, Scarlat Pascal, back.

"It is well known God calls you by the name you were given when you were born, and when you are baptised, and when I die I will need that name. At my age, I have not got much time left, so I am hoping they do not take too long, " he said.

Local authorities however have written back to Mr Lila telling him he needs to present more serious grounds for them to approve his name change. City Hall representative Teodor Zaharia said: "He needs to give a normal reason for his request. Saying that you do not want to have problems once you die is not enough for us to approve this."

Well, Daddio has seen the flat in Church Court Dumbarton and is impressed enough to move up here to Dumbarton! It's a big weight off my mind cos now he will be living next door to my church and should get the support and stimulation he needs! I just hope that all the folk who said they would visit him actually do that now!

I'll be able just to pop in every day and make sure he's ok! One blessing is that he gets his lunch and dinner as part of the package - essential, as he tends to skip meals if he has to cook!

Moving date, on 26th June and I'm looking for muscle!

Aye, well.... a long evening spent working out how a Praise Band fits in with a Sung Eucharist, and I think we have the right mix for Sunday! I'm really looking forward to "rocking" a bit at the main "gig" as I will now call it! Some may stay away, but some will come! I think the music is just balanced nicely with stuff we know, and some new songs which could even become favourites! This is where having a CLI License comes in handy! You can copy and print stuff from all sorts of places without fear of breaking copyright in these days where to do so is seen as something just less serious than aggravated assault!

Totally fed up with Virgin who are charging me £36 per month for my broadband connection. So, I phoned BT, who provide our phone line anyway, and ordered broadband from them. Phoned Virgin to cancel the current contract, and hey presto, they can offer me the same package for £11 per month less than they are charging now! Too late, my friends, and it's one of the reasons I'm leaving your rotten company anyway.

Of course we have to go through the hassle of changing email addresses, but that's for next week!

We have been trying to scrape enough money together to allow Families United, a group that works with and supports parents of addicts and youngsters striving for a drug-free life, to employ a full-time Development Worker/Drug Counsellor who would work from our premises. We are £17,000 short just now for a one year pilot to begin! The Big Lottery have an application in to their Awards for All for the £10k maximum, but we were still short of £7,000.

Heard this morning that the Diocese has endorsed our application to the Provincial Church in Society Committee for the remaining £7k. The Bishop's Staff Group met yesterday and gave it the rubber stamp! Now we have to pray that Edinburgh, and the Big Lottery are both feeling generous! And gratitude to the Robertson Trust who have already weighed in with a promise of £23,000!

It's a real lottery fundraising at the coalface these days!

The RW sends me this at lunchtime on her break! Wonderful illustration of the compassion the RW has in her heart of hearts!...

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.
 Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again ?"
 Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realised he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die."
 She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"
 His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny ... but I have to get up in the morning and you don't."

Went to see my dad in hospital this morning, and persuaded them to let him home later today! Been diagnosed diabetic to add to his problems, but, boy, will he be glad to get home! See, I'm not a totally evil person after all!