Rector's Ramblings

Found this elsewhere and it gave me a bellylaugh! Much needed!

Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. There was no sound.
He turned to the other guy and said "that must be a deep hole...let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in.
They listened for some time and never heard a sound. Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it.
One man spotted a wooden rail-road sleeper nearby. They picked up the sleeper, grunting and groaning, and lugged it to the hole. They tossed it in. No sound. All of a sudden, a goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were amazed.
About that time, an old hayseed farmer came out of the woods and asked the men if they had seen a goat. One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed...they had just seen this goat fly out of the woods and run and leap into the big hole. The man asked the farmer if this could have been his goat.
The old farmer said "naw, that can't be my goat...he was chained to a railroad sleeper."

Find the copy, (posted), of St Augustine's September Magazine!

Just realised that dark glasses help the old sight by dampening down the glare of TV, computer screen, and when driving. Problem is that I look like a cross between Stevie Wonder and a berk in shades!

So much computer stuff is backing up, and I need to get going with stuff that needs printed for the Confirmation this Sunday. We have 5 candidates, 1 Praise Band, and a bishop, so we should have a wonderful morning!

Lovely wedding yesterday afternoon in the midst of the mayhem! Candice and Paul were married by a squinting priest at 2pm! A chance to have a beautiful bride pic on my blog!

However, we lost nothing last night either and managed a win on penalties after this no-score draw. Third round here we come. Only problem is that I missed it all! I wouldn't have been able to drive or see much after all the poking and drops in my eyes in the afternoon. Could hardly watch the telly!

For those of you who visit regularly, apologies for the break in blogging. The sight in my left eye, and to a lesser extent that of my right eye has been deteriorating over the past couple of months and this week I have difficulty reading my screen.

To the doctor who hustled me straight away to the Eye Clinic at Gartnavel. Same day appointment! It seems I have crystal cataracts growing within the eyes and they need removed soon.

Folk say the NHS is dreadful, but the offer was to get it done within the next 6-8 weeks which is not a bad waiting time! The guys in Gartnavel yesterday were tremendous!

So, I'll squint along until next Tuesday, and see when I can get it all fixed. to see the world again, properly, will be wonderful too! Meanwhile I'll squint away at you all!

The grass is cut! Well done the RW! She does a bonnie job!

Is it just me or is grass growing faster than it ever used to? Is this a side effect of global warming that we've never been told about? A week or so and the grass in the back garden is almost touching my knees! Even the dogs can't piddle properly! Time for some serious cutting. What else do I have to do on a Sunday?

Lions, tigers, Lord Lucan, Bin Laden, Shergar et al will no doubt be found in hiding out there this afternoon. All will be revealed thanks to Black and Decker!

Again! Ah well!

Aye! Nothing like Saturday to get the adrenalin flowing! Not the fact that a sermon needs prepared or anything holy like that. (Those who know me know I don't do "holy" very well) It's the thought of 3 o'clock and how Partick Thistle are going to do! Will the magnificent start to the season continue, or are we in for a rude awakening as we travel to Dundee?

Dare we hope for another Partick Thistle Three (points)? Even the dogs are showing tension today!

Last night saw a wonderful concert, the brainchild of some musicians who hang around these parts! Voice Box are a professional outfit, and added to Oor Morag who has exceptional keyboard skills, Sandra's dancers, and Hell's Glen, (newly formed partnership of Ghislaine and Ricky), there was an incredible array of talent on the go!

We raised over £900 which goes towards a refugee from Burundi, in our congregation, who has been given permission, at last, to bring his children to Scotland. We needed the money to pay their air fares. Sorted! Below is Hell's Glen with our dancers!

I'm in the middle of an exchange over the use of the term "Eye Candy". I would have thought the phrase extremely sexist had it been applied to a woman, but I'm assured it's actually quite an endearing compliment, and as it has been attributed to a man in this case, I'm sure that he's flattered! I think I might be too!

Obviously an Americanism, is there anyone else out there who has a wee cringe at the expression, or am I alone? I should maybe do one of these polls?

We had a welcome home in Dumbarton last night for those who attended the recent Cursillo Weekend. It was wonderful to see friends from Aberdeen Diocese, Penicuik and Dunoon. You know who you are and thank you for coming. Great time was had by all.

Part of a week filled with excitement and talent. Tonight, (Thursday), we have a concert featuring local church talent, excellent in nature, who are raising money to fly the children of a refugee over to Scotland to be reunited with their dad. A brilliant man and a good friend and loyal parishioner, he deserves his kids back after almost six long years.

The church website is in need of a total revamp. After 6 years it's beginning to look tired, and my initial design was OK but obviously home-made. I've decided it's time for change and have come up with a new design, below. Problem is that I have to find the time to rewrite all the info we need on the site! Massive job! Why can I not trust someone else to do it?

Our Gambian friends have gone, and after a few days in Huddersfield, they fly back to The Gambia on the 28th. Last night an impromptu celidh had them well entertained, and there was much celebration. The Blog has to stay quiet over the cause for celebration, but there was much drinking and toasting!

talking of which, Toastie, the male dog, has been allowed home now that Peanut's season is over. The old boy looks quite disappointed not to be a daddy this time around, but there is always February, as I keep telling him. Then the gleam returns to his eye!

Maybe by February the RW will be speaking to me again, and we can have cause for a double celebration? Here's hoping!

Got involved in an internet forum last night following Partick Thistle Four's victory yesterday. There was discussion of Clyde's substitute who was described as a demented "hyeena". There ensued a healthy debate on how to spell hyena correctly, finishing off with a punter remarking that the contributor probably wished that he'd said demented giraffe instead. Apart from anything else, getting wound up over the spelling of hyena is no laughing matter!

Sweet Lord! Partick Thistle Four! The Other Lot Nil! (for once) Oh joy!

Discovered on Fools Reunited, a wonderful post that appeals to my doggie nature!

Mongrels have now become the new “must have” accessory amongst celebrities.

Retriever x Irish Setter = Resetter - a dog that can set your vcr for you

After last week's little surprise when we had Partick Thistle Three, rather than Partick Thistle Nil, we step up for today's match against archrivals Clyde, (aka The Gypsies), quietly confident that the tide has turned. There have been many false dawns, however, and it's been several years since I've actually managed to be eyewitness to the pasting of one of the most annoying Football Clubs in the world, well, in the West of Scotland then!

I take my mascot, dear Kabs, who is the founder member of the Partick thistle Nil's Supporters Association (Gambia Branch). Oh for Partick Thistle Three again! As long as we don't end up with Clyde Four I'll be a happy bunny!

Of course Kabs always brings news of our school. Some St Augustine's folk are so committed to this wee project in a little place called London Corner in Serrekunda that they have involved lots of sponsors from all over the place. The upshot now is that we provide free education for the 90 pupils, a free daily feeding programme, and free medical attention for the kids when they are sick. The £900 per month it takes to run, employing 6 teachers, including one for our adult literacy class, and three cooks, a caretaker and a nightwatchman, is gathered in from all airts and pairts and sent off to The Gambia as often as we can send it. (Preferably personally, if someone is going over).

Fran, one of our congregation is just back, and spent a day teaching the children to make rainbow fish! A Cursillista to the end is our Fran! This wee girl certainly enjoyed the experience!

Took our guests to Braehead Shopping Centre for a wander yesterday. Talk about cuture shock? Early on came the realisation, yet again on my part, that the simplest item of clothing in most of the shops cost at least a week's wage if not a monthly wage in The Gambia! We ended up in Dumbarton High Street with a resolve to hit the charity shops instead. God bless them!

We have a man in Dumbarton that does a multitude of things with mobile phones, unlocking them from a tied-in network, or simply fixing them or selling them on cheaply. A magnet for Gambians for whom a mobile in good nick is an essential part of life, believe it or not! Can we get this guy open? No chance. It seems he works from 11am until about two, and then goes home. To count his money? Who knows! But geeze a job pal, eh?

Kabs and Fatou showed their culinary skills last night and cooked for 15 sponsors of our school in The Gambia, then imparted news of the children and their progress, together with news of our adult literacy group and their efforts to start a new community business. All very exciting!

We "got tore in" to benechin and yassa, two favourite Gambian dishes, and a great time was had by all, except poor Fatou who took poorly during the cooking of the meal. Probably just shock - imagine having a man helping her in the kitchen!

With complaints from the RW, (Rectory Wife), that her darling little angel is often given a back seat, I reluctantly blog a picture of what I call the Silent Assassin. Be afraid. Be very afraid!

Driving to Lochgoilhead today, Tuesday, I realise that I never cease to be gobsmacked by the beauty of Scotland, and how different types of weather just show different facets of that beauty. Today the hills and lochs looked extremely moody, waiting for rain, yet looking decidedly unhappy about the prospect - much like me! Alleluia! It stayed dry all day and we had a wonderful walk in Campbell's Kingdom.

This man Campbell seems to own just about everything and everybody around and about Lochgoilhead, and made me remember my father's dictum that you should never trust a Campbell. Ever since Culloden, this sentiment has been bandied about Scotland, and I thank God I am a Macaulay - at least we only stole everyone else's sheep!

Kabs and his new wife made all the right noises, and it made me proud to be a son of this great country!

We took peanut, who is still in season, for a long walk which was great until we met a male poodle who had to be dragged off the poor puppy! I think we managed to avoid "spoodles" but you never know!

Below is Peanut with the cat, Truffle!

Just back from Cursillo, (what a wonderfully uplifting experience, yet again), and had to meet two Gambian friends off the bus from Liverpool today. Kabs has helped us administer the school that we fund in The Gambia for a number of years, and he comes to the UK every year and tours, updating everyone who supports various projects run by GTS.

After a week or so in England, he and his new wife, Fatou, are staying with us in Bonnie Scotland before their return to The Gambia. They bring bad news in that Kabs has been released from his employment with GTS, and in The Gambia that can have horrendous consequenses. The matter is complicated, and he has not been sacked, but our disappointment is almost tangible tonight, for both of them.

However, Kabs enjoys his Scottish visits, and my "wimmin" in St Auggie's just love him to bits. They're sure to love Fatou too!

Trying to lift the depression, I suggest a little run to Lochgoilhead tomorrow, where two of our main contributors to the Education Fund for London Corner are on holiday. It will be a first for these Gambians who have never seen inside a caravan before! "Look! A hoose wi' wheels!", as Billy Connolly would say!

About to leave the sunny climes of Dumbarton to be Spiritual Advisor (sic), to a Cursillo Weekend. (See previous link if you are unsure of what Cursillo is!) By Sunday I'll be well and truly knackered and will welcome the possibility of my culling with open arms. As usual, I'm going to miss two Partick Thistle Nil's home games. Thank God for texts. I'll be able to keep up, thanks to my son who shares the same genetic ailment with me. (Our blood is red and yellow) This is written on my way out the door simply to alleviate the fears that my continued lethargy and slobbering has as yet been un-noticed by the powers that be and I'm still very much alive.

Radio Scotland reports today that another herd had to be culled, because the cows were seen to be "drooling and lethargic". As these symptoms can easily be attributed to myself, I expect to be culled any day now. It may be farewell readers!

Really snowed under just now, but trying to keep the old head above water! Having taken Saturday afternoon off to watch Partick Thistle deflate any hope I had of a good season ahead, I've started the week in catch-up mode again! When will I get things right? I'm in need of time management skills - there must be a course you can sign up to, I'm sure, because I must have been sick on the day they covered this at Theological College.

I'm preparing for a Cursillo weekend in Perth starting on Wednesday evening, and the realisation that I've much to prepare as the Spiritual Advisor for the weekend has hit me like a ton of bricks today. It's not only the preparation, but it's also making sure everything runs smoothly in the parish while I'm away!

Add to that the fact that Northamptonshire Association of Youth Clubs has a group sleeping in the hall tonight on their way to an adventure camp in the Hebrides, and I'm cracking up. The kids are brilliant this year, we have them every year, and there were no complaints about the grub we served them up tonight. I feel like stowing away with them and going AWOL for a week or two!

However, it's time to face up to reality, and meet the work head on. 1am and I'm just, at last ready to close down Monday. Hopefully, Tuesday will be better.

My puppy, Peanut is now well into season, and it means that the faithful "man dog", Toastie has had to be farmed out to his Auntie Maggie for a week or so! It's such a shame, as we could see Toastie sharpening his pencil in anticipation of the joys to come! Poor lad has now been cut off from the promise of fatherhood and all that leads up to that glorious achievement. You can almost see the disappointment in his eyes, the soul!

So, this time around, it's Partick Thistle Nil, Toastie Nil.

An unfair result, but that's life!

Well here it is! The new season begins tomorrow, and all Jagophiles are setting themselves up for a glorious season. There is a long tradition in our family that when Thistle Nil win the Scottish Cup, our spouses will be bought new fur coats. This is obviously a dated promise and not appropriate in these PC times. So what does one buy instead? What would be the appropriate promise to our spouses in these PC days? Suggestions are welcome.... please????

The reason this has reared its ugly head is the sure and certain hope that this will be Partick Thistle Nil's year. We begin the quest for Irn Bru Championship glory by visiting the mighty Stirling Albion tomorrow. Watch this space for tales of glory and wonder!

Well, those who have been following the Norwich Union Tales will be glad to know that things seem finally to be settled, thanks to Becca I'm sure, and a wee cheque in settlement seems to have been sent to Hitachi and to me too! Now, that was a surprise!

After all the hassle, it's good news all round, and the unexpected cheque I got was a big bonus, but a good sweetener for me!

Oor Becca has a wonderful job really. She monitors Blogland for negative comments about Norwich Union, and responds to them! Being able to plough through blogs all day must be great fun, and to be paid for it too, sounds just wonderful, but it was, I'm sure, this little angel's intervention that sorted everything out.

Thanks Becca! You can see her own personal blog on  http://www.beccasibley.co.uk/blog/